Feeding the Soul: Our Deep Hunger for Truth, Beauty, Freedom & Love
Bonny is a psychosynthesis coach and facilitator of workshops, retreats and courses. In her work with individuals and groups, she focuses on connection to and expression of soul essence, drawing on a range of wisdom and techniques to help people answer the questions, ‘Who am I? Why am I here? & Where am I going?’ in a way that is dynamic and creative. In this article, she outlines the thinking the underlines her work…
Coming up she will be hosting the Sacred Embers Retreat - an embodied enquiry into your deepest essence and the wounding that blocks its expression; this retreat marries expertise in trauma informed techniques with psycho-spiritual knowledge and creative & shamanic practice.
In my study and practice of psychosynthesis (which is often called a ‘psychology of the soul’), I have identified four fundamental appetites of the soul - Truth, Beauty, Freedom & Love. I believe that creating a life full of joy of meaning involves the grappling towards and conscious cultivation of these abiding human principles, and I have spent some time contemplating them and their relationship to each other.
The basic premise of psycho-spiritual thinking is that we are spirit in flesh - ie. we are embodied and at the same time connected to and expressions of the infinite creative potential that animates all living things. And so being human is a multidimensional experience. We have bodies and with them, we have survival needs… AND there is a part of us that is here for so much more than just surviving; that is hungry to feel, to create, to adventure, and to find meaning...
In psychosynthesis we distinguish between the survival personality, which has developed in response to our environment in order to get our needs met - and the deeper self or soul, which is always trying to emerge as best it can. If our environment is not safe (physically or emotionally), a large part of our consciousness and will-power will be directed towards surviving and protecting ourselves, and this may make it difficult for us to connect to and express our sacred centre.
Unmet needs in early life lead to the development of intricate defence mechanisms and survival strategies that together weave the ‘survival personality’. This is crucial in protecting our wild and precious cores, but it is not all of who we are, and problems arise when we ‘over-identify’ with this part of ourselves and forget that there is something beyond and within it that desires to be expressed.
In the practise of psychosynthesis coaching, we hold the context of ‘bi-focal vision’, which simply refers to ‘seeing the being’ in a person, alongside their survival personality and the struggles they are experiencing. I have applied the lens of bi-focal vision - ie. the recognition of the personal and transpersonal dimensions of our experience - to my contemplation of Truth, Beauty, Freedom & Love.
We’ll begin with Truth because the truth is foundational.
Applying the lens of bi-focal vision, our capacity to ‘live our truth’ requires both an ability to discern and express our thoughts and feelings - ie. to be authentic; and an ability to perceive and express our innate gifts or essence. Ultimately, ‘living in truth’ is about being honest with ourselves. This starts with developing our capacity to tune into the different levels of our experience, so we’re clear on what is going on for us. The more subtly we develop in our perception, the more we’ll be able to pick up on internal tensions and the ways in which we’re not being true to the call of our deeper selves.
Developing self-awareness is where all the work begins, and as the common adage goes, ‘the truth will set you free.’ This is certainly true to the extent that what is unspoken and unexpressed eats away at us, and what is unconscious ultimately controls us…
And so we come to Freedom. Freedom is choice. And our choices create our lives. The more conscious we become of what is motivating our choices, the more freely we can choose in line with our authentic desires. Indeed, until we can discern the underlying emotional dynamics that are motivating our choices and therefore feeding the creation of our realities, we are doomed to remain stuck in unconscious patterns of defence and survival.
Ultimately, we are seeking freedom from our own suffering. And the first step towards liberation from suffering is acknowledging it. As we acknowledge our pain and the ways in which our behaviour avoids or tries to compensate for it, we release ourselves bit by bit from the grip of unconscious patterns. Defence mechanisms are subtle & intricate and disarming them requires delicacy & diligence, but every time we meet our pain or fear with awareness and just allow it to be there without rejecting, dismissing or pushing away, we expand our capacity for emotional freedom.
True freedom is living with an undefended heart, and that requires the courage to confront our wounds and offer ourselves compassion… and so we come to Love. The heart is the stage of the human drama, and love is the cosmic source directing the show... As the centre of our energetic system, the heart is the place where the personal and transpersonal dimensions of our being meet. Sandwiched between our centre of personal power (solar plexus) and our centre of personal expression (throat), blockages in our heart can lead us to censor and oppress ourselves. Indeed, it is ultimately the defence mechanisms we put in place to protect our hearts that obstruct our capacity for expansion and expression…
The heart is the gateway to a deeper, richer, fuller experience of life. But in order to open it, we need to feel safe. Past experiences of too much love (smothering), not enough love (neglect) or the wrong kind of love (abuse), can make us feel like it’s not safe for us to open to love. Precisely because it is so fundamental to our happiness and survival, negotiating our need for love and our fear of losing it or not receiving it is an absolute minefield… Indeed, the thing we all desire the most is also the thing we’re most afraid of.
In working with my deepest fears, and those of my clients, I recognised that what we fear above all are feelings. We don’t want to feel humiliation, rejection or loneliness, and so we live our lives trying to avoid situations that may evoke these feelings in us... And in the process we also limit our chances of feeling greater levels of joy and satisfaction…
When someone comes to me wanting to expand in an area of their life, part of the process is always about acknowledging and feeling the fear and the pain that is blocking their capacity to open to more.
And in embracing our difficult emotions and learning to be with them, we cultivate greater resilience and courage. Indeed, expanding our capacity to feel helps us to lead richer, fuller lives. If we know that we can experience rejection, humiliation and grief, and still survive, we can stop ‘playing it safe’, take bigger risks and reach for the stars.
Helping people to become better at feeling - both at the level of sensation and emotion - is part of the work that I do, and I find that beauty is a powerful ally in this. Beauty is remarkable in that it can touch us at all levels of our being (Body, Feelings, Mind & Soul). Yes, it is a source of pleasure, but more than that, it lifts our spirits, opens our hearts and makes us grateful for life. Far from being superficial and frivolous, beauty is, I believe, our truest North and trustiest guide; and so when we are feeling lost, we can turn to beauty to guide our way home.
For Beauty touches us somewhere deep inside, and what ravishes our senses tells the story of our love affair with life. In this way, sharing what we find beautiful reflects something of our unique essence and to reveal what is beautiful to us, is also to reveal our own unique flavour and way of loving the world.
The experience of beauty is intimate, and it can also be sublime. Sometimes beauty blows us open and acts as a gateway to the transcendent & the mystical. Whatever the flavour of beauty, it connects us - to our bodies, to our hearts, to a place, to another or even to the cosmos. Beauty awakens our senses and evokes wonder and gratitude for life. It calls us into deeper presence and sacred communion. And this is so valuable, because presence and communion are where transformation happens.
Alongside the four appetites of the Soul, I work with Play and Presence as keys that unlock them. I try to take the spirit of play with me into all of my enquiry as I find it helps to balance my sincerity stops me from slipping into seriousness. I like to distinguish between sincerity and seriousness because I think they are often confused. To me, sincerity has a quality of resonant truth, whereas seriousness has a quality of attachment and rigidity. This is because when we’re taking ourselves seriously, we’re stuck in some kind of pattern of defence - trying to prove or compensate for something… And there’s no freedom in this. I use humour and playfulness in my work because it is disarming. Laughing at ourselves is a great medicine - it helps us to view ourselves from a distance rather than being caught up in our own dramas.
And this is really the point - cultivating a seat of awareness from which we are able to feel the pull of the parts of us that want to react and defend, but not be consumed by them, and instead remain connected to our silent, still, radiant core. The part of us that is luminescent and unchanging; that remains even as our body re-makes itself and the weather patterns of our thoughts and emotions endlessly transform. The more we can anchor ourselves in these depths, the more change and growth we can handle in life.
You can find out more about Bonny’s practice by checking out her website - soul-beam.com, or attending one of her workshops. Coming up she is offering:
The Jewel of the Self in London - A six hour deep dive into values, meaning and purpose with an emphasis on creative and imaginative exploration.
Sacred Embers Retreat - an embodied enquiry into your deepest essence and the wounding that blocks its expression; this retreat marries expertise in trauma informed techniques with psycho-spiritual knowledge and creative & shamanic practice.
